When my children were small, I tried my best to veer away from talking about certain bodily functions. I mean, it’s so unsophisticated. It’s lacking in decorum. I’m above poop jokes.
And then I realized . . . I need to talk about this stuff. Because, with 4 kids 4 and under, it sometimes felt as if a biohazard was taking over my life. If I wrote a memoir of those years, it could be called Adventures in Poop. Or Thank You, Jesus, for Clorox.
I had to laugh about it, or I might cry.
And yes, these stories may be embarrassing to my kids some day. But at the moment, they think reminiscing about such incidents is HILARIOUS. And, as the famous book says, everybody poops.
One of our most disastrous stories involved a bath, and a mystery floater.
When my oldest son and daughter were around 3 and 2, I was giving them their usual pre-nap bath. All of the sudden, right before my very eyes, the bathtub gets cloudy. And brown. After a second, I realize that someone has pooped in the bathtub. Someone has taken a serious. poop. in the bathtub.
I whisk the kids into my shower to clean them off, and immediately start the inquisition. However, the perpetrator remains at large, even to this day. Here is what I know:
- Jafta vehemently denies ownership, and blames India
- India had already had a full diaper at playgroup, which points to Jafta
- Jafta has never bold-faced lie to me, which points to India
- Both children had stomach issues since a recent visit Haiti, which looks bad for both of them
- The presence of large ball of blue play-doh (also India’s favorite) points to India
Parenting is the moment where $%$# gets real. And for clean-up, there’s Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. Fortunately, I had some on hand to help with the mess. Clorox Disinfecting Wipes help kill 99.9% of germs that can live on surfaces for up to 48 hours, and their textured MicroScrubbers mean less effort and more effectiveness.
Have your kids ever left a scary mystery mess? Tell us about it in the comments by 10/20 to enter the chance to have your disastrous mess featured on a horror-inspired movie poster created by fellow blogger, How To Be A Dad.
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We were at an indoor water-park with our four kids. My husband took our daughter (our oldest child) on some big water slides. I had the 3 little ones (8 months, almost 4, and 5). I was pretty proud of myself with my amazing mom skills supervising the big boys while they played in the splash area and I nursed the baby. All of a sudden, the 5 year old runs away and yells "I have to go potty!" I still have the baby on my boob as I give chase, grabbing the four year old along the way. We make it into the bathroom in time and 15 minutes of pooping commenced. Wiping a 5 year old who came out of a water park with a wet butt while holding a baby is not a simple task. Then, as I'm wiping, the three year old alters the course of my life. "No- don't touch…!" It's over. He has knocked over the entire full container of used feminine products. There is still a poopy butt I'm trying to keep baby hands away from as I wipe and we are surrounded by piles of period-catchers dampened by the wet floor. It was horrible- and even in the moment, comical, because that's parenthood. I threw my boys who could stand out of the stall and yelled at them to keep their hands up (lest they decide to be "helpful" in cleaning up) while I used 1/2 roll of toilet paper to assist me in picking up the disgusting mess. I don't think I'll ever be the same.