I want you to know that’s why I keep my left hand under my thigh, under the table, praying you don’t ask me to sign something because then I’ll have to take my hand out from hiding, hold the paper down, and risk the inevitable, “Oh! That’s beautiful!” about my ring.
I want you to know I avoid pronouns like the plague.
I want you to know when you mention you go to church, I become even more terrified, and then terrified in a different way because I don’t know why I have this preconceived notion about Christians.
I want you to know your children are the most open individuals. Not because they know I’m gay (I’m sure some do, and I’m sure some of you do too), but because when I make my obligatory, “Well, it doesn’t SAY the gender of the spouse in the story…” plug, they nod along and never question my motives.
I want you to know I resent myself every day. I resent the homophobia I feel towards myself. A phobia I never had in my entire life until this profession.
I want you to know I feel like I sell out every single day, but for some reason I refuse to take off my ring, be closeted around my coworkers, or lie when an unsuspecting student asks the dreaded question: “Are you married?”
I want you to know part of me breaks inside when I see your children struggling with their sexual identities and me not being able to help.
I want you to know sometimes I make myself searchable on Google so questioning students can find me, see the truth, and feel not alone.
I want you to know it terrifies me to be searchable on Google. And to have students tell me they “found me,” and give me a hug, and run down the hall.
I want you to know I could be fired for all of this, but I stay because I believe in your children. I believe in myself. I believe I am meant to do this.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for being honest with kids and pointing out another view. I am a Christian, one of my children is bi. I'm so glad he has teachers that have been honest and loving to him as he explores his sexuality. I also support and love him :-), but I'm so glad he has teachers that normalize for him.
This is amazing, thank you for being you, and honest. Thank you for being a teacher. I don't know you, but am happy that you are married to the person you love. Be proud of it!
You have all the right stuff to be teaching kids. I'm so glad you are in the schools! And my kids are growing up completely unfazed by their gay uncles,mom's lesbian best friend and their many non-binary acquaintances… It IS getting better. I hope you give yourself the space to believe that too
As a teacher who was fired for supporting my gay child, I totally get this. But for you it is times 100 what it was for me, because it's not just your job at stake but the very essence of who you are. I would be proud to have you teach my kids, and I hope before your career is over you can teach in a place that will welcome you and your wife just like every other married faculty. Big hugs and hang in there, those kids might not even realize it yet, but they are learning important things besides schoolwork, just by knowingn you!