Day 2 (yesterday)

Today continued to be very emotional. I am at the end of myself. I don’t think I’ve slept well in a week and we all feel a little crazy. The tremors have continued. They are not as frequent but there were two very intense ones this evening, that caused the walls to rattle. However, all day long the earth feels like it is pitching. This is extremely difficult for me. I think we all have a little PTSD from yesterday and every shake brings back that feeling of dread. I am in hyper vigilant mode. I am constantly aware of how far I am from a door. I’m trying to keep both kids nearby at all times. Every plane that flies overhead, every loud car, every time the gate opens, I feel my muscles twitch for the door. It is incredibly insane to be afraid of being indoors. We spent a good part of the evening sitting in the driveway, but the mosquitoes are in full-force and it looked like it might rain. We are indoors now, and it’s making me incredibly anxious. I took a shower earlier and I left a set of clothes outside, just in case I had to make a run for it. I didn’t want to be those ladies we saw last night, in the street in a towel.

We took a walk earlier, just inside the gate of the private neighborhood where we are staying. Most families had erected beds and mosquito netting in their front yard. One house was watching CNN with rabbit ears in the front yard. It looks like Haiti is receiving full-time coverage. It was sobering to see that, since we are so out of touch. It was a reminder of how grave the situation is, and it scared me. We also walked by women singing and reading the bible in their yards. I think they believe that this is the end of the world.

Troy continues to go out during the day and report back. Today he came back with quite a bit of photo footage. There are dead people everywhere. This is a concern, because if the bodies are not disposed of properly it because a public safety issue. Tara and I are worried about that. They also spent time at a clinic that is dressing wounds, and continued to tell us how bad it is. About five of them went out today and when they got back, they looked like they had seen a ghost. When people are crushed under cement, the injuries are serious.

I’ve been very stressed today, and I’m trying hard to snap out of it by writing, and by listening to my ipod. I’m finding it hard to engage with Kembert. The language barrier is difficult, and Karis is sick and very clingy. I know he must sense my stress. I find myself just staring off into the distance, or quietly crying. Tonight we put a movie on for the kids. It was Stuart Little, and I hate this movie. But my own kids watched it last week. I started crying just thinking of them sitting in their room at home, and how much I want to be there.

Later I was playing with Karis and saw Mark’s face so clearly in hers. I miss him so much.
The stress of being here is overwhelming. So much devastation, but the potential for danger is so great. There is already talk of diesel shortages and potential food rationing. There is no city electricity. We have no way of communicating with anyone. I have a ticket to leave tomorrow, but I’m hearing that the airport may be closed. I also have a ticket for Friday, but it may not resume until Monday. I’m also hearing that the earliest flight out is in February. Thinking about being stuck here that long is freaking me out. We have no way of knowing how or when I can leave. Tomorrow I go to the airport, and I’m willing to pay whatever it takes to get to any US city. I can figure it out from there.