the present of presence

I’m not really making a bunch of resolutions this year. I’m starting out the year running my first half-marathon, so I’m feeling pretty proud of myself, and not looking to make more goals involving self-discipline or achievement. I am wanting to make some changes, though, and it’s tricky because the changes I need to make really revolve around NOT checking things off of a list. I have an incessant need to feel a sense of achievement or completion each day. I was poking fun at this tendency of mine in yesterday’s post, but in reality I know that this is an area where I need some serious growth. I can spend hours of my time trying to tick items off of my to-do list. I have a hard time relaxing. Just sitting and enjoying my children is difficult for me. After a few minutes of playing ponies or peek-a-boo, my eyes start wandering to the scattered toys or the overflowing laundry bin or the list of people I need to call. I am constantly distracted by a sense that I should be doing something important. Unfortunately in my unconscious value system, just being with my kids does not seem important enough. Cognivitely, I don’t feel this way. I want to give myself permission to just sit and really “be” with my kids. Somehow I have a hard time translating that desire into my everyday behavior.

So . . . my resolve for the coming year is to figure out how to put that into practice. I want to achieve less. To get less done. To complete fewer tasks. I want to put mothering on the top of my to-do list, and I want to live in a way that reflects that priority. This priority: