big bundle of nerves

I am on my way to Orlando today for my big half marathon weekend. The last few days have been a mix of giddiness, anxiety, and excitement. I’ve even been having stress dream about the race – like the kind you get before prom, where you can’t find your dress and have to go naked. Only this time my dreams involve it being race day and me not being able to find my ipod or my running shoes. Or the latest, a dream where I somehow got separated from all the runners and got totally lost, and by the time I found my way back the race was over. (If you know me well you know this scenario is not actually that unrealistic).I’m feeling really nervous about the race. I’ve been feeling really confident all along, especially since I was able to run the full 13 miles last week. But as I’ve been checking the weather forecasts all week, I’ve started panicking a bit. It is predicted to be in the low 30’s on race morning. I was expecting sunny Florida weather. I have a sinking feeling all these long beachside runs on packed sand in temperate weather may not have prepared me well to pound the pavement through the Disneyland parking lot in weather where I can see my breath. Another fun fact about me (aside from my penchant for getting lost and tendency to spill things: I HATE COLD WEATHER. I hate it so much that I graduated college a semester early, just so I could high-tail it out of Cincinnati back to a place with reasonable weather. I hate it so much that I whine any time the thermostat reads below 60. I don’t do skiing. Or snow activities of any kind.Did I mention I hate cold weather?So yeah, this ought be interesting. The only advantage I can see to the situation is that it gives me some sort of bragging rights to run in weather like that. Kind of like natural childbirth. I’m like totally hardcore after doing this, right? Right?Okay, I’m still nervous. I had a funny interchange with my seatmate just now (yes, I’m writing all of this on the plane, using my phone’s keypad. I am forming small callous on my thumbs). She asked where I was going, and I told her I as headed to Orlando for the half marathon. And then she said, “Oh, so you’re a runner?” And I just had to laugh at my response. Because I paused for a beat, and then said, “I guess?” To which she kindly informed me that if I was indeed running a half marathon, I might call myself a runner.Packing for this trip was a bit of a challenge, that induced a bit of a meltdown yesterday. Traveling with a baby is always hard . . . all the diapers and gear take up more space than my own clothes. Then I was also trying to remember everything I will need for the race, in addition to everything I will need for a few days in Haiti. I spent the evening thinking I was just about done, and then remembering several slightly important items that I had failed to pack. Like my running shoes. Or my passport.Now that the packing is done and we are on our way, I am soooo excited. I will be meeting up with several other adoptive moms and some missionaries from Haiti who will also be running. Some of them I’ve met before, and some I haven’t, and yet they all feel like old friends. I think it is going to be some great hang time. Its amazing the times we live in, where the internet can connect you with people you have never met and yet already share so much in common. I sometimes think this road would be much harder if not for the other adoptive moms I’ve met in this journey. One thing is for sure – we all share a love for Haiti and a longing for our kids to be home. I feel comforted knowing I’m not alone and I’m really looking forward to hanging out with these gals, and with the people from Heartline Haiti who are so dear to me.I’m also so excited to be getting a visit in with Keanan, although every visit does bring about a fresh wave of grief as we continue to wait. I’m not sure why an impending visit is the thing that pushes me into a little despair, but it happens every time. I’ve been in a funk all week about our adoption stuff, vacillating between hopelessness and anger. It is not a fun place to be, and I’m hoping I can snap out of it and enjoy myself this weekend.In the cold. In the bitter, bitter, miserable cold.Okay, more weather-related complaining is sure to follow, but for now my thumbs are tired and Karis appears to be ingesting the latest edition of Skymall, so I’d better sign off.