The backstory: I have been trying to potty train India for five months now. She has done really well getting the #1 part down. She hasn’t had an accident in months and does really well at home and at school. The #2 though . . . not so much. I know that she has control over it, though. She doesn’t really have accidents, she just waits until naptime every day when I put her in a diaper. (She is very regular). Every day for weeks now, we go through this routine where I put her in a diaper, leave the room, and come back in ten minutes later to change her poopy diaper.

Over it.

I know she has control over it, but is just refusing to go on the potty because she is a) stubborn or b) freaked out by the potty. I’ve been trying to strategize how to remedy the situation. I had ideas about leaving her naked on a plastic sheet during the nap, or putting a small toilet on the bed, or skipping the nap altogether for a few days. Yesterday, she did skip the nap, and by dinnertime she had a grimace and was walking a little funny. I knew she had to go #2. She peed several times, and each time I acted like a cheerleader, trying to get her to make a deposit in the toilet. She informed me that she would not be pooping in the toilet.

Until . . .


a play in one act

(inspired by true events)
A young girl is seated on the potty. Her mother is seated nearby.MOMMY: India, why don’t you try to put a poop in the potty.INDIA: No. I don’t want to.MOMMY: You’re a big girl now, and big girls go poop on the potty. Gabriella and Sharpay go poop on the potty.INDIA: No. I don’t want to.MOMMY: If you put a poop in the potty, you can open the box with your new Tinkerbell shoes and wear them all day tomorrow.INDIA: No. I don’t want to.MOMMY: (thinking back to India’s daily dinnertime prayers thanking the Lord for her family and Disneyland) I have an idea. How about if you put a poop in the potty we can go to Disneyland?INDIA: Disneyland????????(cue pooping sounds)MOMMY: (weeping tears of joy and disbelief) INDIA!!! You did it!! I’m so proud of you! Daddy, look! She did it! She went poop in the potty!INDIA: I pooped in the potty and now I get to go to Disneyland!JAFTA: (entering room after overhearing) What? I wanna poop and go to Disney! Jafta physically pushes India off of potty and sits down himself. Commence forcible pushing and gruntingJAFTA: (strained) I can do it, too! I’m gonna poop, too!MOMMY: Jafta, no. Wait, honey, stop. You don’t need to . . . JAFTA: I’m gonna poop so I can go to Disney!MOMMY: Jafta, stop. You’re gonna hurt . . .JAFTA: (grunting like a woman in childbirth) UGH! Ungh. Errr. AUGH.Daddy enters room, alarmed.DADDY: Kristen, make him stop. He’s gonna give himself a hernia.KRISTEN: You mean a hemorrhoid?DADDY: Kristen, make him stop. He’s gonna give himself a hemorrhoid.JAFTA: Ughhhhh! Grrrrr. I can do it. I can . . .KRISTEN: Jafta, stop!*plop*JAFTA: Yes! I can go! I can go to Disney!KRISTEN: Jafta, you didn’t need to . . .*plop*JAFTA: More poop! That means I get to go to even more places!INDIA: (pushing Jafta) I wanna poop more! I wanna poop more!
and scene.Guess where we’re going tomorrow?