I am going to say some things in this post that may not be nice. My sentiments here are shallow at best. Juvenile even. But we’ve been to the fair this week, and I need to process. If my mocking of all things carny is going to bother you, skip down to my nice post where I reflect on social justice. Or go read this, or look at these pretty pictures.
You’re still here? Well don’t say I didn’t warn you.
So the fair. Yeah. The bottom line is this:
WE ARE NOT FAIR PEOPLE
The trouble is, we live right next to the Orange County Fairgrounds. We can barely leave our house during two months each summer without passing by the gruesome eyesore that is the Orange County Fair. And my children, like mosquitos drawn to the garish flourescent light of the bug zapper, turn into zombies who must go to the fair or die.
The are many other awesome aspects of living a block from the fair: the increase in burglary, the insane amounts of traffic, and the hordes of flies who come to hover about the fair food and livestock and then get bored and make their way into my kitchen. And, of course, the unavoidable meltdown every time you drive by and the kids see colorful rides and bright lights and they want to go NOW. So we relent.
Certain reality shows on the Bravo network may have given you the impression that all people in Orange County look like this:
If you have been so influenced to think that we live in the land of beautiful people, I encourage you to visit the fair to witness The OC at it’s finest. There is still plenty of silicone here, to be sure. But there is also lots and lots of cellulite squeezed into spandex and tube tops, and shirtless people in jeans, and bad teeth, and I’m pretty sure I saw a pregnant lady smoking a cigarrette.
And there’s this lady:
who thinks that leather pants and spikey heels are a good idea for walking a mile from the parking lot in 96 degree heat. I don’t want to think about how sweaty she’s gotta be under that. You are welcome for that visual.
But the insanity of the fair does not stop there. Witness people dropping hordes of money trying to win toys that would be $3 at Target. And the food. I’ve never seen so many fried options in my life. Fried twinkies, even. And if you have a child with you, there is really no way to avoid it. (Especially since they check your bag when you arrive, in case you were trying to smuggle in a carrot or something). Here’s a picture of my kids eating some transfat-covered potatoes and thinking they are in heaven.
And the food. I’ve never seen so many fried options in my life. Fried twinkies, even. And if you have a child with you, there is really no way to avoid it. (Especially since they check your bag when you arrive, in case you were trying to smuggle in a carrot or something). Here’s a picture of my kids eating some transfat-covered potatoes and thinking they are in heaven. But the scariest part of the fair has got to be riding in gravity-defying contraptions that were just disassembled from LA’s County Fair last week and reassembled with an allen wrench by a guy who looks like this:
Because who doesn’t want to put their life into the hands of a high school drop-out who cooks meth in a trailer out behind the 4-H exhibit?
((((((oh, wow, Kristen, that’s so mean. how could you judge this guy so harshly? you don’t know if he does drugs. ))))))
Sure. And Paula Abdul is just really, really tired.
too funny… that carny guy at the end is CLASSIC!!!
(I never went the OC fair when we lived there but I went to the SD County Fair/Del Mar Fair every year growing up).
A couple of things I like about the fair:
Blooming onions (some things are worth being fried)
Photography/sewing/yearbook exhibits.
The exhibit halls with all the weird does-1-job/as-seen-on-tv items that my parents always get sucked into buying. 🙂
Plus I have fun memories of dancing with my gymnastics team on stage at the fair- always a summer highlight.
Ah, memories.
Oh my gosh! Hilarious!! Aren’t allen wrenches those little tiny things that come with all that Ikea furniture? Too funny!
So funny!!
By the way, my daughters have the same dress as India. Izzie is actually wearing it today!!!
Have a great weekend!
Kim
Hey Kristen… Don’t you love how they then try to draw in us non-fair people by playing bands like Seal? Some how I don’t think Heidi Klum could be found anywhere next to the fried twinkies.
OMG!! So funny!
A. We love the fair.
B. Is that my cousin Casey in the last picture?
C. We have seen one of the girls from Real Housewives twice in the last 2 weeks in SC.
K-
We are not fair people either. I only want to go if I can sit and just watch people from a safe distance.
🙂
I was just boring my husband with tales of the county fair near Pittsburgh where I grew up. But when we tried to take our daughter to the Marin County Fair, it only pissed her off.
I found your blog through the Red Letters Campaign. It’s been entertaining me through a sleepless night with a crabby baby. I’ve added you to my Google Reader too, so I look forward to more!
Have to say, I am surprised that as asoptive parents of racially mixed children you would choose to judge people you saw at the Fair based on their looks! People will judge your children based on their skin color and as unfair as that is, you only perpetuate it by judging others.
Wearing leather pants in mid-summer, smoking while pregnant, squeezing a flabby tummy into a tube-top, walking around shirtless with nipple rings: these are CHOICES.
Skin color: NOT A CHOICE.
To compare the two is kind of weak.
Am I judging the sensibility of people’s choices on my blog? Yeah. Probably. Am I using exaggeration to get a cheap laugh? Um, maybe just a tad. Did I give you fair warning at the top of the post to move on if you would be offended? Yep. Sure did.
Wait a minute. Fair warning? Get it? Hahahahaha. I crack myself up.