I met my husband in college. We dated for four years while he attended graduate school and got married the weekend after his graduation. Everyone said we were the perfect couple. Within in the year we had our house built, we were expecting our fist child and life was great. He eventually bought his own business and we decided to have another child. We had our normal fights as all married couples do but we always managed to work them out.
It wasn’t until his father passed away that things began to change. I noticed he started drinking but I didn’t know he would never stop. I ignored it at first and thought if I pretended it wasn’t happening then it wouldn’t be a problem. So I continued my life without him and kept myself busy with my job and our children. If I didn’t see it, I could believe everything was ok. I even tried to hide his behavior from my children or make something up if they knew he was acting weird.
Now ten years later everything is totally out of control to the point that I no longer can ignore it. A pattern has occurred. He waits to drink after work, and on the weekend he drinks until Sunday night. He tries to hide it from the children by controlling how much he drinks around them. He even tries to tell me he is fine when obviously he is not.
My dilemma is I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried helping him and have even gotten him to admit he is an alcoholic. One day he says he is going to change and he tell me he loves me and the children. Then the next he says he can’t stand it here and he wants to leave.
My children rely on me to be strong. I try my best for all of us and I realize that this is not the man I married and truly love. When I married him I made a vow to love, honor and obey him in sickness and in health. Alcoholism is a sickness and therefor I feel committed to stay and help him. But as each day goes on and the verbal abuse continues I no longer have the strength. I pray each day that this nightmare will end.
I want people to know there is no happily ever after. Alcoholism can happen to anyone even if you believe it will never happen to you.
You can't help him. He has to want to help himself. Find a Alanon meeting and take care of yourself and your kids. Alcohol is is a family disease that affects you as much as the alcoholic. There is hope!
This sister is not alone. Millions of families struggle with alcoholism. From personal experience the Al-Anon Family Groups are a literal lifesaver, and there is a program for kids called Alateen. Prayers.
This story reaignates with me on so many levels–so similar. For us, it took a major crisis for my husband to recognize his drinking problem. Without sharing the gory details, let's just say that it almost ended our marriage. It was only then he recognized he was out of control, got sober, got help, had support, and we returned to how things used to be.
Very well said, alcoholism is a sickness and should be treated as such. However, it can also make the people around the alcoholic sick and as a mother, your children should be your first priority! If he is making them sick, you have to choose their wellbeing. Prayers to you!