I got my hair cut the other day at a new salon. My stylist was a young hipster in his 20’s. He had the typical hipster uniform: plaid shirt, long beard, and tattoos. He was nice and talkative, and as he worked we talked about a number of things. As he learned that I had two black children, the conversation turned to race. He talked about the Oscars and asked what I thought about the protest in regards to the lack of minorities. I told him that I understood it. He nodded, but then added that “even my black friend was saying that it’s okay if some people are just naturally better at certain things than others. I mean, how many times to white people get the MVP award in professional sports? Different people are better at different things.” And here I found myself in a totally awkward situation, because he’s expressing some seriously racist beliefs, but I’m now trapped with dye on my hair, and how far do I want to get into it? I said something about acting being unrelated to skin color and systemic racism, and let the topic die. BUT THEN. He wanted to talk more. And I had the distinct sense that he wanted to get some stuff off his chest and be validate by someone with black kids for his latent racism. He started talking about the N word, and why black people shouldn’t use it if they want white people to stop using it. And here’s the thing. Up until this point, nothing he’s said has shocked me too much. He’s using somewhat coded language to try to dismiss instances of racism – white people pull this ish all the time. But then he says: “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve used the N word a few times, too. I’m not proud of it, but everybody does it. And if we want to stop using the word, everybody has to stop using it.” Um, no, hipster man. Not everyone uses that word. He then goes on to tell me the story of one of his white friends using the word in front of a black guy, and how he really put his foot in his mouth. And his emphasis in the retelling of this story is not on the fact that a person used the N word at all, but on the fact that he did it in mixed company. At which point, I had to ask, “I’m sorry. I need some context here. Why would someone use that word, every?” And he explains that it was in the heat of the moment, during a sports event. “You know how it can be, when you are all caught up in the heat of the moment.” No. I don’t know, I said back. And I had some words with him. And things were really quiet and tense until my hair was done. Here is the thing that threw me off about this conversation. I know that Millennials can be hella racist. But usually it is under the guise of irony, or hidden in coded language. And while this guy obviously holds some racist views, he was also quick to talk about his Mexican girlfriend as if it was proof that he couldn’t possibly be racist. BUT HE ADMITTED TO USING THE N WORD. And told a story of a friend doing the same. Help me out here. Is this a thing now? I know that our country has a long and sordid history with this word, but I thought this was a thing that died out with the generation above mine. In all honesty, I have never, in my life, heard a white person use this word (outside of singing along to a rap song.) In my experience, it’s just something you don’t do. It’s something that would make you a social pariah . . . something that would lead to a record-scratch moment in which you were instantly judged and seen as being completely devoid of class. It’s something that only a trashy racist would ever say. And I grew up in Florida. And am a good 20 years older than this guy. So, tell me . . . is the casual use of this word a thing now? And why? Has a bunch of ironic hipster racism led to a generation of people who think this word is funny or casual or not a big deal? Because I cannot for the life of me figure out how this guy a) uses this word, and b) thought it was a thing he could admit to me in our first conversation.
Abenaa says
Yes, people definitely still use this word casually as if it's nothing, particularly black people. I am equally shocked that you think this doesn't happen on the regular. If an artist is comfortable saying the word in a rap song that will be on record for all of eternity, you better believe their use the word isn't limited to making music.
That's insane, and I'm really glad you called him out on it. I feel like a lot of millenials think of racism as something that happened Before, and honestly don't understand the impact a word can have. My grandparents went to high school when it was legal to keep races separate. My mom went to school where there were solid lines drawn between groups. And I went to a school where white people were the minority. I am a white person who has never experienced or even seen rasism aside from the news and culture. We have it lucky, but it's a dangerous trap for us to fall in to think "well, it's okay now." And I'm glad white people out there are saying back that it IS NOT OKAY.
Holy Moly… No! Please tell me this can't be true. What is happening to this world??? Trump + Racist Millenials ? It may be time I finally pack up my crew and head off to live on some gorgeous private island.
The fact that this came up as he was doing your hair… Could it get any more awkward. No thank you!!!
Uuuuggghh. No real insights, just that white privilege, like ignorance, and yes racism, is as varied in this country as our 50 states.I do think Trump has given people permission to bust out their racism more freely.
I'm not defending him because I've never been tempted to use the word myself and it's atrocious and he should admit he has racist views and correct those. I'm simply asking a question- is it possible that because many millenials grew up in a more diverse world and are so far removed from the struggle of black people, that they really don't get the weight of the word? Do they hear it so often they are desensitized? The only time I heard that word growing up (before high school) was from my super racist grandfather and my parents made sure to tell me it was really, really bad and not acceptable. I'm not that old-i nearly missed the Gen x bus, but I grew up in a diverse community and knew that word was unacceptable for me as a white person to ever use. I guess I'm just asking the same questions as you. Lol
In my social circle, it is not OK. (25 years and up) but I have seen it a lot in some TV, movies and in strangers who think it's OK or that their using it ironically. I guess it's just who I decide to associate with?
I am a fellow plaid shirt, bearded, hipster guy in his 30's living in a predominantly white state (Maine), and never ever have I used that word nor has anyone that I associate with- also fellow hipsters. But I am queer and trans, so are many of my friends and so maybe we just know better. I can't imagine how this dude thinks his language is ok, and I imagine he brought it up with you thinking maybe, you would tell him it's not that bad. But it is, that bad. The only time I can see using that word is when my kiddo is old enough to understand the implications and history of the word and why we are never ever allowed to use it, and why folks of color get to make their own decisions to use it or not.
No no no! I'm considered a millennial, as I'm (only) 27, and I have never uttered that word- EVER. I grew up in a racially diverse community, where I am actually the minority, but even there, I never even heard that word until listening to a rap song in middle school. I promptly turned it off. I feel strongly about language usage affecting our perception of the world, and will not use words that discriminate, nor will I associate with those that choose to. I'm even more militant about the use of the "r" word as I have a developmentally disabled son. I promise, it's not all millennials! It just isn't done in my community (other discriminatory words aren't used either).
At 30 years old, I consider myself smack dab in the middle of the millennial generation. I can tell you without hesitation that I have NEVER said that word to or about anyone, and the same goes for my friends. I'm shocked about this interaction. I (unfortunately) would not be surprised to hear this word used by old racist biddies in the South where I live, but someone my age??
I am 30 and this word is NOT used amongst my peers, casually or in anger. These are racist views absolutely.
This is exactly why I'm ashamed to call myself a millennial. I've literally NEVER used that word.