full-panel time

If you’ve been pregnant before, you know what I mean.

Early on, you can get away with the rubber band trick, or the low-waist jean. The then tummy expands and it’s time for the roll panel.

But eventually, you have to surrender and accept the full panel. You’ve seen the full panel on other pregnant women, and always thought, surely there is another option. Surely there is no reason to wear pants that cover your entire stomach in fabric. But then you get sick of your stomach pushing your jeans down around your hips, and inadvertantly flashing crack because the back of your pants is creeping down, too. Keeping your pants up becomes like trying to keep a sock midway up a balloon. Eventually, things are gonna roll down. Tugging up your pants becomes tiresome. So unless you want to wear suspenders that hook to your bra to keep your pants up . . .

. . . it’s time to suck up your pride and wear the full panel. It’s hideous. It’s tacky. But oh, it’s comfortable.

(Do you like how I use a tube-sock on a balloon analogy as if this is some common experience that we all share? As if you are reading this and nodding your head going, yes, yes, I know what you mean, based on all the times I myself have tried putting a tube-sock on a balloon. . . )