matching superfamily

(Thanks to Lisa Blah Blah for the matching idea.)

We went out and bought some matching shirts for the family – just a small little thing, but I think it meant a lot to the kids. They thought it was very fun that we all had superhero shirts on today. In fact, Jafta and India called us the “superfamily”. Nice. Really, it was just the only t-shirt I could find in size infant all the way to adult. But they don’t need to know that.

All this matching lead me to a fun idea for Keanan. We usually make a photo book every time we go down, and this time, I took a photo of each of us holding his picture. I also bought him the same shirt, so that he can wear it while we are there. (I also put the pictures on the top of the blog, because I like to supremely waste time with useless projects when I should be packing.)

I think we are all packed, but it is always an adventure packing with an infant, and always an adventure packing for Haiti. The combination of the two led to a slightly stressful day, since there is no option of just running to Target if you forget a pacifier. Or diapers, as I’ve been prone to do. We have four huge duffel bags each weighing in at just under 50 pounds, full of donations. THANK YOU FACEBOOK FRIENDS.
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Packing was stressful, but I think I’m feeling a little sense of dread, too. As much as I love visiting our little boy, it’s also extremely painful. Saying goodbye at the end of each visit has got to be the most painful thing I’ve experienced so far as a mother. It is excrutiating to leave him behind as we go back to our lives in the states. This has been weighing heavily on me all day as I think through our trip. Keanan is always on my mind – there is not a day that doesn’t go by where I’m not thinking of him. But I can busy myself at home. When we are in Haiti, it often feels like I am smacked in the face with the reality of our story. And that story – the fact that we have been trying to adopt him for TWO YEARS and we have no end in sight – that reality is one that I can’t run from in Haiti. I have gotten good at avoiding my feelings on this subject, and today I got a real sense of the pain that is lying under the surface. I was vaccilating between wanting to punch something and wanting to cry all day long. My goal for the day was to have a nice family day with Jafta and India before I leave them for the better part of a week. Instead, I spent the day acting like I was auditioning for Mommy Dearest.
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And I really think I could have won the part.
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I am going to do my best to just be in the moment on our visit – to enjoy our time with Keanan, and enjoy some time with the amazing people we’ve come to know in Port-au-Prince. I am gonna try not to let the dread of our goodbye color the entire trip.
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I am also gonna try not to reach across the table when we sign in front of the judge, and grab him by the collar and scream at him to MOVE OUR FREAKING PAPERS ALONG ALREADY.
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Maybe at that point I will pretend I am auditioning for the part of Michelle Duggar. She might be a better choice.
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P.S. Oh yeah, Karis? Running a fever all day long today. If you are of the praying kind, I will take them please.