reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their
personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the
unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to
this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by Tara.
What I want others to know is the heartache that a woman can suffer
without a father. You see the heartache starts as a child when they are
asking their mom where their daddy is. The heartache continues when a
young teenager starts seeking attention elsewhere, usually in the guy
that shows them any amount of attention. You see it again, in a young
woman now bitter that her father was never there. Then as a wife and
mother promising that her children will never go through what she
endured without a father.
That is where I am. Married, mom of three, seeking the “fatherly love” that I so desperately desired my entire life.
I
want to back up just a bit. The pain truly set in as an early teenager
when I realized that my father loved himself much more than he ever
loved me. I so desperately wanted his love and attention, however when
he moved away from me, I knew it would never be the same. I remember
girls gossipping about other girls calling them terrible names because
of the choices they made with guys. Maybe one guy, usually many! I was
that girl. Desperately seeking any “love” that I could get my hands on. I
never thought of myself as one those girls, however looking back,
that’s exactly what I was.
This lifestyle brought on a
relationship with my now husband. We met at sixteen, a month later I
became pregnant, and now we have been married for almost nine years. We
had a rough start to our relationship but through our growing faith, we have made an incredible life for our family.
Even in the early stages of our marriage I wanted my husband to
fill this void that resignated in my heart. He showed me that he would
never leave me and that I needed to forgive my dad. He shared with me
that my dad was never going to be the dad that I was still longing for
im to be.
I allowed this emptiness to spread into my
friendships. Anytime someone was slowly slipping away I would become
extremely jealous of their other friendships. I was always paranoid of
them replacing me with someone better.
My relationship with God
has become much stronger and that has healed some of the broken
pieces of my heart. I know that this can be a life long battle for me,
however I now have hope knowing that one day this pain will be gone. I
am just grateful that I am aware of the destructive behaviors that I
have created because of the absence of my father.
Mentoring young teenage
girls has become a passion for me. It has allowed me to
vulnerable and yet honest with where I was 15 years ago. I want them to
understand that God will always love them more than any other human
can, so seek his love and approval, and no one else’s.
