reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their
personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the
unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to
this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by Jessica.
I’ve been feeling sorry for myself a lot lately. I mean, I’ve really
been wallowing. I’m 32 years old, and have had a debilitating condition
my entire life. I have a bleeding disorder called Von Willebrands.
Basically, my blood will not clot. My condition is pretty severe, so I
can have internal bleeding for no reason at all. As I’ve gotten older, I
find that I get more random bleeding, which really puts me on the outs
for living my day-to-day life (raising my kids, working, taking care of
the home, being with friends). Most of the time I’m ok with it…I can
suck it up and deal. But once in a while, my limitations really get to
me. 32 years old and I can’t run? What is that? I can’t walk around
Chicago without a bleed happening? I can’t throw the football with my
kids?
And then this week, I had a moment. God gave me a picture. A
picture of him, sitting next to me as I cried. As I wept out of
frustration for how my body betrays me on a regular basis. I saw him
sit next to me and put his arm around me. And then he cried with me.
And after I was all cried out, he stood up and held out his hand to me.
And he said, “Let me me be your hope.”
My hope that tomorrow will
be a better day. That my kids will be ok, even when I can’t get off the
couch. That God will heal me (as he has many, many times in my life).
That I do not need to fear, for God is my peace.
