A recent video by author Rachel Hollis, and the subsequent apology, has gotten a lot of blowback. I left a comment that was twice deleted. I will post it here instead. Because I think we need to talk about toxic ideologies.
I have watched with curiosity for several years as a lot of Rachel’s problematic ideologies have gained popularity, and I think we are witnessing is the inevitable fallout.
It’s no surprise that someone who preaches that we don’t need to apologize is not capable of an accountable apology, as opposed to this one that is full of straw-mans (the housekeeping, which is NOT the issue and has been repeated over and over) and blame-shifting by throwing her “team” under the bus. It’s no surprise that someone who preaches we don’t need to worry about what anyone else thinks reveals themselves to be tone-deaf and lacking in empathy, because while we don’t need to spend our lives trying to please everyone, we DO need to have a balanced level of concern over how our words and actions affect others.
It’s no surprise that someone who has been preaching meritocracy ideals about women needing to constantly hustle and do more, shows herself to be self-obsessed with her own success without a lot of insight into values-based self-worth, and who believes herself to be exceptional while denigrating the worth of women who choose to opt out of toxic hustle culture. It’s no surprise when someone who preaches about manifesting success and a secular version of “prosperity gospel” reveals herself to have a poor grasp of privilege.
Rachel has, for years, presented herself as an expert on things that she doesn’t have an education in and hasn’t done the work in, gleaning ideas from others and creating a buffet of self-help regurgitation that is not flowing from academic knowledge or lived experience, but rather from picking and stealing and presenting the mental labor of others in a plucky package (complete with culturally appropriated lingo). And the general public has eaten it up.
I think as we are angry with Rachel, we also have to do some serious reflection as to how her messages, which were fairly overtly toxic, have been so appealing for white women. Why have these messages been so popular? There is a lot to unpack there.
Last, I wanna say this. I actually do relate to Rachel. I’m also an ennegram 3. I’m a divorced mom. An adoptive mom. We have mutual friends. We are both writers. I have a housekeeper (gasp!) And I often see in her posts my own tendencies if I was not doing my own work . . .
If my temptation to elevate my own success went unchecked, if I did not have close friends who knew they could call me on my shit, if I was not listening to BIPOC voices, if I was giving into that shadow side of the enneagram 3 that says that I have to earn my own worth and that tells me to announce that earned worth to others to make myself feel better.
I have compassion for Rachel. I really do. But I think it’s time for her to stop doling out the self-help advice and sit at the feet of some people who can help her with her pride, with her privilege, and with learning to value herself for her internal qualities instead of what is looking increasingly like narcissism.
one hUndred percent spot on. I was an earlY Fan but started Really Asking what i found so appealing when She started being a keyNote at eVery mlm conferenCe that thRew cash her way. When you also leaRn her spoUse was a vp at Disney and she had a nanny and housekeeper while writing her books, it makes her advice about putting your neCk out there nUll. Most of us have way more risk in our lives and less cushion, Which she fails to acknowLedGe and covers with her own upbriNging beinG A struggle. Her adult life has been Way different.
I like to point your making but I would like to ask about your random capitalizations.
Thank you for compassionately putting into words the issues and how closely you relate to her. This type of compassion is hard to come by in the online world and I’m grateful for your truth and grace to shed light on the truth.
Ego is the enemy.
Hope King and Wade King of Get Your Teach On Support Rachel Hollis and her systemically racist comments
Hope King and Wade King of Get Your Teach On are officially associate with known racist Rachel Hollis who has several well-documented instances of systematically racist comments. Yet they continue to be associate with her seemingly for the money and exposure.
as a woman of color and educator…this is soooooo disappointing.
I was never a fan. I alWays found her book titles irritating. That video is sad. Cringe. Do better, girl. I am interested to learn what drew foljs to her.
Great article. I listened to a clubhouse full of women who are all in an uproar over all of this. Perhaps we can all learn from her mistake. Pride goeth before a fall.
I’m not sure why this post was even needed to be honest except to add fuel to the fire against her. While it was said very pleasantly, it still degrades and puts her down. I 100% agree that how she went about explaining/apologizing was wrong. But let’s be real- how many of us in a moment of rawness, say something we shouldn’t. I personally think her video above was made out of pure frustration and anger. All of us, when called out, hurt, or condemned tend to first be angry and we fight our pride to lash out. She just did it poorly and publicly. She definitely had a hard childhood, but is also most definitely privileged now whether she wants to belive that or not.
I belive we should all take a step back and find forgiveness and build each other up. As the old saying goes, if you have nothing good to say- don’t say anything!
Except that this is her pattern: Start a Dumpster Fire, Blame her team and throw them under the bus, offer an apology that someone with some sense wrote for her, then wash and repeat a few months later. I don’t feel bad for her at all. She has learned zero it seems from her past mistakes and from others calling her out on her bullshit. She chose to put herself out there, thus she needs to face the music and actually listen and learn from it. So far she has shown she is really unwilling to do that.
Yes, a moment of rawness would be excuseable, eventually. But she tried to lay the blame with her team and took no responsibility. And when that didn’t work, she pretended to be humble and take responsibility. By that time, her credibility is gone. She is an unkind, entilited person who got checked. Good.
spot. on. (Help, I cannot get these dang caps locks off. I’m not yelling, i PROMISE.)
As a white woman, I’m taking this to heart. I went to risexBiz, bought the planners, took the life coaching. And I’m feeling a certain way about it.
I am white. I am female. I am an entrepreneur. And I am privileged.
And as an enneagram 2, with a 3 wing. My eyes are open. O.p.e.n.
Kudos to you for sharing your perspective. thanks for shining your light. With humility. And giving us space to do the same.
My head is down, and I’m doing the work.
Yes I was literally thinking enneagram type 3 as I was watching her… First time I have come across her anyways. Enneagram in my experience is the ultimate tool for compassion
GIVE ME A BREAK … SHES AWESOME!