1. My kids wanted me to keep it so we would continue to share the same last name. I’m not of the opinion that kids get to dictate adult decisions, but I’m also one to consider their feelings, and mine had big feelings over this one. In fact, it was the very first question that they asked when I told them we were getting a divorce – even before asking where everyone would live. I knew they were invested in sharing the same last name. Maybe even too invested, to be honest, but for whatever reason they held some familial meaning in that common last name, and felt like me forsaking it was forsaking a tiny piece of them. And while that narrative needs some dismantling, I felt like tending to their feelings on this one was something I could do. There are so many losses inherent in divorce. This didn’t need to be another.
2. I’ve been a Howerton most of my adult life. I got married while I was still in college. This name has become a part of my identification, just as much as my maiden name ever was. Changing back to the name I had before I was even living on my own didn’t feel like a step of progress. (For me. It might to others and that’s okay.)
3. I have professional identification with my name. And as a writer/blogger, name recognition is kind of important.
4. It just seemed like a hassle. Changing documents, id’s, licenses, credit cards, bank accounts . . . all of that felt like too much work for little payoff. Not to mention, every social media handle I own. It was just easier (for me) to keep things as they are.
So, yes. I’m still Kristen Howerton.
I’m curious to hear how other divorced women navigated this issue.
I have been divorced about 2 years. I kept my married name because I have had it since I was 19. And it matches my girls. I think that I identify with my married name now more than my maiden name.
Hi there. Thank you for sharing your journey. I've been waiting to read what other women have done about the name change. I have plans to change mine back to my maiden name. I do have two boys (11 & 14) and they are with me full time and know my devotion to them, and are fine with my changing my name. Ive always told them
They are equally their dad and me. I see it as I had my ex's name as a gift he gave me. In some ways, it was never mine, but that it was on loan to me. After 20 years I never expected to divorce, but it was a no brainer for me in my own journey to return to my maiden name. My identity has had much to do with my name, and much has shifted for me (not just my marriage) Who I once identified as has evolved on so many levels, it doesn't feel right to carry his name into this new season. That said, I haven't officially changed it just yet (except for this profile) Once everything is final I'll go through the process of changing it everywhere. And as time consuming as that process may be for some–I'm excited about all the tangible ways of marking this new season. Oh, and if I marry again–I'd keep my maiden name.
Thank you for all of your recent blog posts. I will be keeping my last name as well because it’s the same as my children’s. I too, feel like it would be a hassle to change my name over on “all the things”.
My daughter was widowed at 40 and remarried 3 years later. And she kept her first married name because it felt to her like she was abandoning her kids to change it. Now that her youngest is in college, that may change. Good choice for you, made for excellent reasons. You have told your story so well – thank you.
I currently still have my married name, I kept it for a few reasons after the divorce, but many of those no longer resonate with me, and I'm considering changing it now, 3 years later, but not to my maiden name. We change as we age, and I want something that reflects who I am as a single woman now.
The name of your blog is effing brilliant. Awesome post and cute kids.
Keeping my married name after using it for 23 years. I like the idea of honoring the union that produced 3 awesome kids, even though the union ultimately ended. If i ever remarry I will consider keeping the married name as a middle name and tacking on the new surname. I’ve seen a few friends do this and I like it. And yes, I still remember what a huge pain it is to officially change one’s name!