The other day I stumbled upon these “distressed” sneakers that Barneys New York is selling for $620.

Six. Hundred. Dollars. For shoes that come pre-sullied.
You guys. I am still dizzy from how much involuntary eye-rolling this product has induced. What in the world?  People are paying this kind of money to have their shoes look like they came out of the closet of one of my tween boys? Because I could go to Payless and grab some Airwalks and my boys would have them looking this way in a week, tops.
Not only is it idiotic, it’s tone-deaf and a horrible example of the shenanigans people with Too Much Money get up to.  Is “playing poor” a new ironic hipster thing to do? Is “slumming it” the new way to show that you are too rich to even care?  Or is this like a Rich People: We’re Just Like You thing, only they are too lazy to actually scuff up their shoes. Like, I want to look like a regular person with worn shoes but I don’t actually want to sully my shoes out with the commoners and away from my Ranger Rover and Tuscan Revival McMansion?  I need to understand the psychology here. 

Tell you what. If you are in the market for some old, worn sneakers, come on over. We’ve got all sizes. I will make you a killer deal. I’ve got lots more where these came from.

 And the authentic plebian sweaty smell? I’ll throw that in for free.