What I want you to know: thank you is never enough

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest post is by Amy Dill.

Mother’s Day is a day when all mothers fantasize about lounging by the pool with a cold drink, a good book, and not a care in the world.

But that seldom happens.

It seldom happens because you can’t turn off being a mommy. So the day usually ends up being pretty normal with crises, poo diapers, and tears.

This past Mother’s Day happened to fall on Sister’s birthday. So she and I ‘shared’ the day–which equates to the day being hers…just like the other 364. But that is okay with me. I don’t need a pool, or a drink, or a book–well, maybe a drink. I am actually used to sharing Mother’s Day because two of my children came to me through two amazing woman. I would not have my babies if it weren’t for them. So I have always felt that the day was not completely mine.

As I sat in church this past Mother’s Day, I felt overwhelmed (I realize that I get a lot of these epiphanies at church…I suppose that is the best place for them:)). I suddenly realized that I had tears flowing over as I thought about my childrens’ birthmothers’. I felt so much thankfulness, that I thought my heart might burst if I couldn’t hug their necks right then and there. I don’t know how to explain how much gratitude I feel towards these women.

I knew that as soon as I got in the car, I would text one of them and tell her thank you, as lame as that sounds. The other wanted a closed adoption, so I cannot go further with her. I so much want her to know what an amazing little child she created, but that is not her wish. So, I have to honor that.

It is hard in these moments. I want to track this birthmother down and squeeze her so tightly and show her this teeny little person that is completely extraordinary, and scream, ‘THANK YOU’ at the top of my lungs like a crazy person. But I can’t. So I just thank Jesus for this little blessing and do what I can…text the other birthmother. As I got into the car and picked up my phone, I realized that she had beat me to the punch. She had sent me a text telling me Happy Mothers Day.

I texted her back telling her that there was no way to express my thanks for this little person that we could not imagine our lives without. She went on to say that God had put us in her life for a reason…

WORD! And her in ours.

If you have read ‘our story’, then you know that God blessed us with a biological son. So I know what these two women went through to bring these babies into the world. Heartburn. Indigestion. Weight Gain. Backaches…the list goes on, and gets worse…

I can’t imagine the feelings that they went through knowing that they couldn’t provide, but that someone else could. And they found the courage to go through the process to find that person to take care of their children for them. I have said it before, and I will again…AMAZING.

Unless you have been in these shoes, it is truly impossible to understand. But I know that I cannot take full credit for these children. Because there are two women out there that gave a piece of themselves to me. And absolutely nothing in the world can compare to that.