What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest post is by  an anonymous writer.

I want you to know that trying to decide whether or not you should leave your husband is not easy. It is the hardest decision you will ever make.

I know, because I am trying to make that decision. It is not a pleasant feeling to discover you don’t feel the same way about your husband that you did. And not being sure that you ever felt about him the way you think that you should isn’t much better.

I want you to know that it absolutely kills me that the reason I discovered how I feel, is because I felt what I always thought I should feel, for another man. The decision not to cheat was not hard, I could never hurt my husband that way. But it hurts just as much to know that I wanted to.

I’m in therapy, trying to work out my feelings toward my husband. I’m trying so hard to make my marriage work, my husband is trying, so hard, to be what I need to stay. That almost makes it worse. Like we’re past the point of no return, and we’re just putting on a show for each other. It makes me feel so lost.

I want you to know that I don’t take this decision lightly. I want, desperately, to stay, to add what I’m missing, to the life that we’ve built. But what ultimately matters is what is right. What will make us happier in the long run?
I don’t know the answer to that question.

I want you to know that that, is the scariest part of all.