Whenever I go in to get my roots touched up, my stylist always gives me these really loose, natural waves that I can never seem to replicate on my own. She uses a flat-iron to do it, and she has made a considerable effort in trying to teach me how to do it myself. Yet no matter how much we go over it, I go home and I am all thumbs with that flat iron. I’ve also watched friends giving tutorials on the matter. My friend Sarah just posted a great video on How To Create Loose Waves, where she makes this technique look “easy” and “reasonable”. But then I try, and it’s like I lose all sense of eye-hand coordination. I just end up making my hair look weirdly bent – like Farah Fawcett after a long meth bender. Well, I am happy to announce that I have finally figured out the secret. Today, much to my surprise, I woke up with perfect, beachy waves . . . and I’m going to share my secrets with you. Step 1: Get a really nasty cold. If you don’t have some preschoolers regularly infecting you with the germs of other small children, you can also consider rubbing some ragweed on your face, or living in a city where the Santa Ana winds turn your head into a giant cesspool of phlegm. This part may sound challenging, but trust me . . . you can do it. I’ve managed to maintain a state of sinusitis since mid-October! Step 2: Don’t wash your hair for three days in a row. Step 3: Before you go to bed, slather your chest with Vicks vapo rub. Really get it on there thick – this part is important, because ultimately it will become the product your hair adheres to while you sleep. Step 4: Put a humidifier by the bed – an old-school one that turns your room into a sauna and forces your husband to kick off the covers and threaten divorce if that thing is by the bed one more night. Step 5: Toss and turn all night The head cold will help with this, but to really go big, consider accidentally swallowing a capsule of your son’s Ritalin that you mistake for Benadryl in the groggy wee hours of the morning. This will ENSURE a horrible night’s sleep.
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