preparing for the angsty blissdom

I am headed to a blog conference this weekend.  It’s called Blissdom, and by all accounts from the folks who have been before, it sounds like it lives up to the name.  I will be attending for ShePosts so it is somewhat of a working weekend, but I’m also really excited to get to hang out with some of my “blogging tribe”.  Holla! (I feel equally awkward using the terms “blogging tribe” and “holla”). I really do love getting to travel every few months.  I love my kids so much but when I am home, there is just no phoning it in.  I have very little downtime, and even less quiet time.  My life is so chaotic that I am looking forward to the alone time on the plane almost as much as I’m looking forward to the conference. That is pathetic.  But it’s true. Anyways, traveling without my kids always brings up a host of emotions for me.  I feel like I spend most of my daily life overwhelmed and longing for a break, and then when I get it, about five hours in I start feeling really weepy and sad about missing my kids.  It is really hard for me at night.  Not getting to kiss them and put them to bed is brutal for me.  I also struggle with guilt.  Even though I’ll only be gone a total of three nights, and even though the kids will be treated to all sorts of shenanigans with Mark in my absence, I still have a hard time delegating my role for a few days. I think what makes it even more difficult is that, in the days leading up to the trip, I tend to be really busy with preparations: packing, scheduling, prepping food, and trying to get ahead with work deadlines.  The result is that I am stressed and tired, with a nagging sense that I should be spending more time with the kids since I will be leaving soon.  Still, those suitcases aren’t going to pack themselves, so I pop a movie in and distract the kids while I bustle around, and then inevitably forget 27 things until the last minute and spend my final moments with the kids in a state of angsty chaos. My spell-check is dinging me for angsty.  But I think you know what I mean. Then I leave, regretting the fact that I have not been more intentional with the kids, and then I spend my time away wondering how in the world I did not just smother them all with kisses the entire day before I left because OH MY GOSH I MISS THEM SO MUCH. So, yeah. I’m gonna have a blast at Blissdom.  And I’m gonna these guys like crazy. And him, too.