God, have you told me NOT to adopt? I find myself saying that some
people are called to it, and I’m not one of those people. Would you please show
me if I’m just using that as an excuse? Are you calling me, and I’m ignoring
you? These people I know that adopt, heck, they’re not rolling in the dough. Is
there some creative way we could afford to do it? Are you asking me to make some big changes in our finances so we could make some big changes in our family?
Father, I don’t like to accept help from others. Yet, I’d be the first one to
help out a friend who was adopting. Is that what you would ask us to do?What
about my house, God? It’s really small. I thought we were full. Show me if there
is room for more. Right now I’m thinking (because the world tells me) that every
child needs to have their own room, and a certain sized backyard. Do you agree?
We don’t have a playroom. We don’t have big closets. Does that really matter?
I’m kinda’ freaking out. I’m afraid that if I bring this up, you might tell me that
you want us to do this, but we don’t feel called because you have some work to
do. Could you use me forever in the life of a child, if I would allow you to
work me over?If we are supposed to pursue this, light an insane passion within
us. If we need to make changes first, make them clear. If we are supposed to
wait, then give us the desire with a healthy dose of patience. If we are not to
adopt, show us. Lord, I wouldn’t dare want to pass up such a massive opportunity
to serve you in this short little time I have here. At the same time, just
saying these words out loud is wigging me out!
I can’t do what some of these women do. There are just so many unknowns. What if we get into something we can’t handle …Yeah. Okay. I’m answering my own questions.I’m still freaking out, but I love you. I want to chase after all that you are. Help me to want exactly what you want. And again … freaking out.