I decided to make a Target run after the kids went to bed, and luxuriate in the quiet pleasure of shopping alone. If someone would have told my 18-year-old rave-loving self that at 37, a trip to Target would be the highlight of my week, I would have died of existential mortification. But there it is, folks. My big night out is going to Target by myself. I was just taking my time, relishing the fact that I could peruse every aisle without a whining child asking for something. I have a habit of abandoning my cart as I scan the aisles, and more than once in my lifetime I’ve had an employee return the contents of my carts to the shelves because I’ve left it for so long. I left the cart for a couple intervals tonight, while browsing the sale racks. I vaguely remember a moment when two teenaged boys were laughing hysterically over something. And then I moved on. Confession: I spent a stupid amount of money at Target tonight. I had that cart piled high. Clothes! Shoes! Pillows! Socks! It’s been a long time since I’ve been in there, and I went a little crazy. I pulled my cart up to a checkout lane and started emptying the contents onto the conveyer belt. As I lifted up a couple dresses, I suddenly spotted several boxes that I didn’t recognize. My mind registered words like:
- KY His + Hers
- Intimacy Gel
- Sensitive Tip
My cart was basically full of every option of sex accoutrements that Target carries. I’m not really sure how it happened. I don’t know if a couple pranksters filled cart while I wasn’t looking, or if someone decided their intended purchase was a tad too embarrassing and lost their nerve. Maybe someone spotted their kid’s teacher and decided to dump their stash before she made eye contact? Who knows. All I know is that I was DYING from laughter, and so very much regret not having taken a photo. Well played, random Target prankster. Well played.