On Thursdays I post from the vault. This post is from August 2008.
Ohhh . . . my heart is hurting tonight. This evening Jafta opened up about how he feels being the only brown person in our family, and it was devastating. He’s really never commented about it before, and we try to keep the dialogue open. But tonight he said the following,
Mommy, I don’t like my brown skin. I want it to be white.
I want to take my skin off.
I don’t want this hair. I want hair like daddy.
I want to fix my skin so it will be white.
I want my skin to look like yours and daddy’s and India’s
and then, worst of all:
I just don’t like myself
I tried so hard to listen, to keep from overreacting, to be empathetic, and to tell him how much I love him and his brown skin. But it was obvious that he has a lot of pent up feelings about this. I’ve wondered . . . especially watching the way he interacts with other kids sometimes. But tonight he left no question.
I am totally torn up about it. What do I do? We’ve read the books and followed the advice . . . but I’m just so sad because I know that there is inevitable grief in adoption, and this is a part of his life experience as a transracial adoptee. I WANT TO FIX IT. I want to protect him from pain. I don’t want him to be sad. I want him to feel special and loved and secure and confident.
Mark and I talked about it for a long time tonight. Well, Mark talked. I sobbed and made word-like noises through my ugly-cry face. We were evaluating what we could do differently, if we’ve made a mis-step somewhere. We considered again, if we need to move to Austin, or Haiti, or a place with more diversity than Orange County. But we were mostly just hurting for our little boy.
It’s so discouraging, too, that we want so badly to give him a sibling who looks like him. I wish so much that our Haiti adoption was not taking so long. I hate that he feels so alone in our family. I wish that he had just one face to identify with in our home.
UGGGHHHHH. Feeling sad tonight, and wishing I knew the answer.
Every Wednesday I feature a child recently highlighted by a local Wednesday’s Child newscast to share the stories of children from around the country who are waiting for a family. My hope is that this can broaden exposure for the children highlighted, but also serve as a reminder that these children represent thousands of children currently in the foster-care system. Perhaps their stories will inspire you to consider opening your home to a child needing a family. For more information and to learn about other waiting children, visit AdoptUsKids
Okay friends. I need to pick a backsplash for my kitchen. I’m torn between a geometric black and white, or adding a splash of blue. Scroll through and tell me which one you think would look best … (oh and the yellow chairs are going away – going with simple white chairs)
I went to the ENT today and had this apparatus used on me, which looked like a torture device from 1958. Prognosis: enlarged turbinates. Has anyone else dealt with this before? Tell me everything. I’ve been living with compacted sinuses and post-nasal drip pretty much constantly and I’m over it. Today he shot a syringe of steroid into both sides (fun!) but mentioned a balloon technique if that doesn’t work. Self care: not all massages and pedicures.
These are my “get shit done” overalls. I wear them most weekends when working on the house. India decided she needed some as well. She sewed the patches on herself. Today’s project: ripping the flooring out of the Backhouse and cleaning out the garage.
A little retrospective of the Howerton kids through the years (swipe left). Sunrise sunset and all that. 😥
Back-to-school means new beginnings. It’s a fresh start with limitless possibilities.
A surge of freedom and ideas and goals. I guess it’s cool for the kids, too.
Kristen and Sarah talk about their shared sensitivity to bad lighting, their indigestion woes, and their hot take on the proliferation of g-strings at the beach this summer. They also interview Jessica Turner, author of the new book Stretched Too Thin, on self-care for working moms and how to kick the mom guilt.